i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
and you fell through a lawn chair
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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