I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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