...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
