why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
