I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
