Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i will never coherently bang her
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize