New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
