That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
