I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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