apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
