Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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