so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I've blown a few things in my day
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize