Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
