sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
