im six kinds of drunk right now
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
