Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
