he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
