Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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