I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
