i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
