Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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