Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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