I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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