Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
