Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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