I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
