This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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