I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
