Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
