Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
