My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
