and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
