He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
