you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
