And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my being single is dangerous.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize