I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
