Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
