he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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