got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
