3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
