TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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