If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
