I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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