new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
