After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
