I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
