the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize