i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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