allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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