New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
