I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
