"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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