i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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