Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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