she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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