It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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