Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
