they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
