What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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