Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
