**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Two words: blizzard sex
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
