I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
