I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You ever have a fart follow you around?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
