summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
