PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize