I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
