i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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