Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
