Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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