honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
