she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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