i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
