We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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