As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
