I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
