I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
