My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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