she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
