He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize