how can u be prego again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
