The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
