New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
bring money and cleavage
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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