So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
