oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
