alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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