i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
