I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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