Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
