someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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