I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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