You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
