Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
