So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
