I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
