Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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