3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
