She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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