i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize