even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
