Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
