This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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