You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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