You work out of a Hotel?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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