so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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