So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
