Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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